Happiness

I have recently discovered that what I thought happiness was, isn't. I don't know if it was my idea or pressures of the age we live in that pushed me to a higher level of selfishness. It really sucks when you discover that you left a part of yourself somewhere, and you try so hard to find it. Myths or truth? You tell me. I have lived a life that is full of triumphant and devestating experiences, some I caused and others by circumstances. I am about to be a grandmother, and I guess that has forced me to evaluate things with more scrutiny. I disciplined myself to be a good mother and wife. I have had more success with motherhood, than the other. I admit I have been married to this husband almost as long as I spent at home with my folks. Somewhere, I am not sure, I became selfish, only thinking of my future, not our future. Anyway, they say "older is wiser." It's true!

Deana

Today my husband, mother, and I went to watch my daughter, Deana, graduate from La Tech. I could not wait to hear them call her name to come get her degree. I can remember the first time I put Deana up on the counter to play with my adding machine and how fascinated she was with all the big buttons. I remember her watching her favorite cartoon character on television sitting in my lap. Next, it was kindergarten, then middle-school, and then high school. I remember taking her to countless ROTC meetings, rearranging my afternoons to accommodate for those "last minute" engagements, and then watching in her senior year take "Wing Commander" and pass it on to the next cadet. Finally, the thought of her graduating high school and moving away to live on campus at La Tech just about killed me. I didn't want to let go. I looked at her today and she's all grown up and graduating college. I have learned I have to let go. She still insists on living in Ruston.

Graduation

My daughter, Deana, just finished up her classes yesterday at LA TECH. She calls and says I am done with all my classes and then she lays the big one on me, she has fines to pay to school before she can get her degree on Saturday. I am proud of her and her accomplishments, but I am sure glad the "money tree" will get a rest now that I paid her fines. I now have to focus on paying my student loans back starting in 2010 if I can manage to graduate this fall. All you fellow students that have earned scholarships use them wisely and those that are not so fortunate spend your loan money wisely. Before you know it, you are in debt to Uncle Sam or some financial institution. If you can pay on them while going to school do it. No debt when you leave to find that wonderful job and the money you earn goes for the important stuff you want. Good luck to all you graduating seniors!

Saturdays

I love Saturday. No alarm to set for 6am and I can relax. Sure, I have homework and I strive to do it first so I can enjoy the rest of the day. It's time for spending time with my husband, doing something with my mother we enjoy (spending money), or just going to the Boardwalk to catch a movie. Sometimes, if my son Billy and wife, Jenna are not busy, I go to visit them. I will spend my next Saturday watching my daughter, Deana, get her CIS BS from LA TECH and then the next Saturday I will be giving my first baby shower. My daughter is due end of May. So, on Saturdays I give myself up willingly to do whatever I need or want to do. Saturday is sure nice if the weather cooperates too. Enjoy your Saturday.

Personal Essay

I have submitted my personal essay as of last night. I submitted the one I initially wrote, but I seem to think now that the second one I wrote yesterday evening would be a better example for this assignment. I mentioned in one of my posts to another student about the Z's blues and this really relates to the issue. What was so funny at the time became unsettling within me after absorbing it for a couple of days. I don't know how many students in our class suffer from sleep deprivation, but I guarantee it is no fun. It affects everything from the time you wake up with the alarm to the time you take the meds at night, waiting and waiting to drift off to "Z" land. Ms. Smith, if you read my post I left two different essays of which both are true. The latter one is the best. As for all my fellow members in the class, I hope you never have this issue. It takes control of you and finding control of it is a struggle.

Valentine's Day

My only thoughts are today of taking the time to make sure your valentine knows how you feel about them. If it is your husband, cook him his favorite meal, or just take him to dinner. I find doing the reverse sometimes earns more attention from him on the next special occasion. On the other hand, if it is your girlfriend or wife, take them some flowers or candy. Dinner to their favorite place is always a winner.

Last night my husband and I shared a nice Valentine's dinner with my mother, who is a widow, and my youngest son without a steady girlfriend. It made both of their nights I believe. Although, my husband and I would have liked dinner alone, we enjoyed making someone else's day special.

So everyone that reads my blog I hope you all have a great Valentine's Day!

My Tuesday

Well, my car buying venture kind of got shot down today. The dealer and I do not agree on the value of my trade nor do I agree with the notes they want to give me. So, I guess buying a new or better car will wait a while until I am in a better situation. Anyways, I am a little disappointed, but I tend to look at the brighter side of things, at least I have a car and a stable job to keep making payments. Enough of that for now. Other topics of interest have taken over for the time being such as my Reading Journal for class and critiquing my first draft of which I hope my fellow group members find interesting to read and offer great advice to improve it. I guess that is all for now. I have duties of a wife to fulfill as in cooking. What's for dinner I ask? A mystery at this point. Let you know how it turns out.